I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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