He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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