It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize