Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
