No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
