woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
