I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
