God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
