I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
