New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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