I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
