yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
