She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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