And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
