When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize