Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
