I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Your topless pictures make me question reality
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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