Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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