I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
