24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
