then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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