I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
