They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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