Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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