Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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