She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
try to milk me bitch
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