she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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