Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I skipped work to stalk him.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
