yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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