Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
