The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
