She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
