Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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