Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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