She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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