my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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