she looked like the before picture.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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