There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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