rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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