probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
