i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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