oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
