Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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