I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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