I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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