are you so shy because you have an std?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
