People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
