Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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