I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
