Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
