I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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