i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
