sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
