im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
