Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love having hate sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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