The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
