the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
