I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
