wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
