he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize