Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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