just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
