Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
