you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
