It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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