You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize