How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
