his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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