What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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