Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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