Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
